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Greetings Eagles!!!
Here we are at the end of another school year, with summer at our feet and a deep breath on the horizon. Yet, as we come to yet another close, it feels more like someone pulled the rug out and left me gasping for air on the ground than inspiring that fresh air of freedom. Final Zooms and Chapels, while wonderful, serve as a reminder that things are very different at the moment. The closure that a hug or an end-of-the-year “high five” might normally offer are gone, and the chances to cram together to celebrate our students’ achievements have changed.
   Change. Change can be a great and much needed opportunity for growth or renewal. Change can usher in uncertainty or halt progress altogether. Change is inevitable, and it’s here, or rather always has been. This time has felt like a curse to some, and a blessing to others, and just plain strange for all. As I have been trying to process these changes that COVID-19 has brought about, I have tried to focus on the positives as well as acknowledge the negatives. And in doing so I have been visited by an old friend, and his name is “Grief.”
   I was taught by one of my wisest mentors that “Grief has many faces, and absolutely no timeline or rules.” We can grieve for the loss of a pet or loved one or of a job or possession. Some event that happened to us or someone close, or even the fact that something we thought would happen but did not can lead us to Grief. Grief itself is not the enemy here but as I shared, like an old friend because grief helps bring clarity to our lives with time.
   In Ecclesiastes 3: 1 - 8, we are reminded that “For everything there is a season...a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” I have heard this shared at funerals, national tragedies, and world disasters. It is important to mourn and grieve for what was not, and to give our children permission to do the same, but I have always paid more attention to “laugh” and “dance.” There can and should be Hope and Joy, if not now, then shortly on the horizon because change is coming.
   So we hope that this edition of the Eagle Counseling Newsletter helps you and ultimately your children grieve well and celebrate the growth through change that is happening now. This is a time for grace, for making a “big deal” of the little and big victories, and for celebrating our students and our families for the gift that they are. Laugh and dance with them, even when it is silly or does not make sense, because being together is a great and marvelous gift. We look forward to when we can laugh and dance with you as well, and God’s peace and joy be with you and your family.

The Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief
By: Scott Berinato

To help his colleagues, his readers, and ultimately himself understand how he has been processing the time of COVID-19, Senior Editor Scott Berinato shares how he has been working through the grief that these changes have brought about. Scott not only points out the importance of allowing yourself to feel the range of emotions that it can bring, but even goes so far as to introduce a new stage of grieving: meaning, and its significance in helping us accept the changes. He also reassures us that we do not have to face our feelings all at once, but can deal with them individually, and ultimately better.

How Unprocessed Trauma is Stored in the Body
Article from Medium.com by BioBeats

Some experts are referring to the time of COVID-19 as what we call “shared trauma” in counseling terms. Whether you agree or disagree that these past couple of months have been traumatic on a personal, country, or even world-wide level, we can all agree that these times have been stressful. Our bodies and brains were designed in such a way that we store our experiences and stress. Left unchecked, this can leave us pretty unhealthy. On the other hand, by facing it and dealing with the physical results of trauma, it can help us to process the mental and ultimately recover better through things as simple as stretching and exercise.

COVID-19: Dealing with Our Collective Trauma
Video from WFMZ News

In this news segment from WFMZ News, Dr. Heather Evans, a licensed clinical social worker and counselor says, “What heals trauma is connection and relationship.” She goes on to describe our collective trauma during COVID-19, and some strategies to overcome and work through it together.

Click Here to Watch

Dear Preschooler, This Was Supposed To Be Your Year Too
By: Cassie Gottula Shaw

I’m going to be honest, having littles at home during this time has been really difficult. My 3 year old doesn’t understand why the parks aren’t open and why we can’t hug our grandparents. My 1 year old hasn’t gone down a real slide since she’s been big enough to actually do it. They can’t play with neighbors because they don’t understand social distance, and last time I let them play in the yard with the other kids, I caught both of them eating someone’s ice off the sidewalk. This blog perfectly captures how my heart hurts for my girls, and why there’s a sense of grief for what they are missing even though it’s “just preschool.” Mrs. Shaw says it perfectly, “You’re not quite big enough to even ask all the questions going through your mind, let alone to grasp all the answers. You’re just trusting that I have the answers—that I’m handling it. And I’m trying my best for you.”

The Pandemic Will Haunt Today’s Children Forever.
But We Can Help Them Now.
By: Leonardo Trasande and Benard Dreyer

This article from the Washington Post can help us understand some of how our children are and will be impacted by the time of quarantine. “Some children will experience strong emotional reactions simply by being aware of the existential threat of COVID-19, the disease caused by the coronavirus. And others still may not even be aware of the events playing out around them but will nevertheless be affected by them.” Especially for our teens and tweens, if we want them not only to survive, but to thrive, the solution starts at home. How we as parents and adults posture our response will directly impact our children now and later, and we can use it for the better.

To Heal Trauma, Work with the Body
By: Jennifer Sweeton Psy.D.

Recently, I have discovered there seems to be an uptick in supplements and devices to fix every physical ailment you could have. My three-year-old thinks the commercials for the mood stabilizer “CALM” are hilarious, and when he is having a tough moment, we will say “CALM…” several times slowly, he will start laughing and reset. Maybe he is onto something here, seeing how using methods of biofeedback including forms of meditation, and I might suggest prayer, can help us restore and heal physically and mentally both during and after the pandemic. It is important for our students and ourselves to understand that the feeling of being “on alert” is a normal part of our wiring, but it is best if we are proactive so we do not remain in that state.

Final Thoughts...

This year did not end in a way that we could have predicted, but it’s been a pleasure and honor to serve your families. Thank you for the choice you make to be a part of the Eagle family. We appreciate you! If there’s anything that your family needs, please feel free to reach out to one of us, or to our school administration. We are here to serve you, and as always, we are in constant prayer for you. Please know that God loves you tremendously, and He’s got great plans for you. Jeremiah 29:11. - Michelle Dwyer

Something I encourage my students to do every year is to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” While this sounds menacing, they learn that it just means the only way to grow is to jump beyond your comfort zone. Thank you Prince of Peace students and families for letting us walk by your side as we all jumped out of our comfort zone and flew out stronger like the Eagles we are! As we say in chapel, “May the Grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the Fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.” 2 Corinthians 13:14 -Gary Prindiville III

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Issue 11: Discipline during Distancing

4/30/2020

Discipline for All Ages

This issue of Eagle Counseling Newsletter is dedicated to all things discipline. This week alone, I’ve said, “No, you can't throw your baby sister to the ground. She doesn’t like that.” And, "Fruit snacks are a privilege, not a guarantee." And I taught my almost 3 year old some complicated math, “No, you can’t leave the table until you’ve eaten two bites of peas, or one bite of grilled cheese and one bite of peas, or two bites of grilled cheese. You pick.” We’ve also discussed (at length) why she can’t climb the lower kitchen drawers to open the oven herself, and why she can't touch the dead squirrel in the alley.

It’s my goal to make parenting more than a list of things my kids can’t do, but I’m tired of hearing, “But why not?” “But I want to!” If you’re like me, I hope these videos below speak some life into your current discipline methods. I promise these strategies aren’t complicated, but they may look radically different than what you’ve been doing. Sometimes, change is good.

How do you discipline during a pandemic?
NBC Philadelphia

Conflict and Consequences:
The New Roadmap to Behavioral Change
By: Jill Molli

Click Here for Video

Sibling Rivalry

No one knows you like your sibling because you live so much life together. This stay at home order has put a strain on these relationships in many ways because of the underlying stress of COVID-19 and being in close proximity with each other. I hope this article (and free printable resources!) from Child Mind Institute help you manage sibling relationships in a healthy way.

When Siblings Won’t Stop Fighting:
How parents can keep the peace
and help kids learn to resolve conflicts
By: Katherine Martinelli

Discipline for Preschool Ages

If your household is anything like ours, the past several weeks have been a roller coaster of old and new routines, tweaking routines, scrapping routines, and at moments, just survival of the day-to-day. And while I am thankful that my ten-month-old daughter is mostly blissfully unaware of the changes to the world around her, my three and five year old boys hover somewhere between sweet little gentlemen and Tazmanian devils. We are pausing to remember that they not only reflect any stress my wife and I might display, but also that they are processing their own anxiety from all of the changes to their routines too. This article is helpful in not only identifying the underlying anxieties, but reminding us to have grace for our children as well as ourselves in the midst of the “New Abnormal” as our Upper School Principal Dr. Jeremy Lowe put it so well.

COVID-19 Anxiety in Children
By: Kim Marxhausen

CLick here to read

Discipline for Elementary Ages

A few weeks ago, Prince of Peace 3rd grade teacher, Stacy Warner, mentioned that she uses a “Calm Down Corner” in her classroom, and she suggests using one at home to help children manage their emotions. What a great idea! I did some digging and found a ton of videos and how-to’s about building your own Calm Down Corner. Click below to read a beginner's guide to creating your own Calm Down Corner.

The Best Things to Include in a Calm Down Corner
By: Sharla Kostelyk

Click Here for Mental Health Resources

Regression can be a common occurrence when it comes to situations with high levels of stress. Mr. Hahn has helped us all normalize the time of COVID-19 by reminding us that these are extraordinary times, and that it goes beyond the norm. My three year old suddenly became obsessed with my whereabouts about a week into the “shelter-in-place” orders, which did not come as a shock to me. When he kept it up however, I began to realize that this was bigger than just “missing daddy.” But whether your child is three, thirteen, or thirty, we all regress out of our natural instincts to adapt to the situation. So no matter the age, if your child is “acting like a baby,” read ahead for some great advice.

Why Your Child is Acting Like a Baby Right Now
By: Lisa Tolin

CLick here to read

Discipline for Middle School and Upper School Ages

Jeffco Public Schools in Colorado put together this amazing page of Mental Health Resources for Children. They include changes to watch for, videos from mental health experts, self-care tips, and more. Please check it out below.

Following social distancing and “shelter-in-place” rules are difficult, and no one really “likes” them. But as some adults are still clearly struggling with these, it is even more important that we help our tweens and teens understand their importance for themselves and for the health of others. The following article provides some quick tips on keeping the focus on the right things and following through, which is so important for our young adults right now.

Keeping teens home and away from friends during COVID-19
By: Claire McCarthy, MD

click here to read

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Issue 10: Working at Home as a Family

4/14/2020

2 Comments

In my current work environment, my coworkers often refuse to wear pants. HR says that he knows it’s a problem, but he’s got to mow the grass, so he’ll talk to them at snack time.

I’ve seen a string of these kinds of statements on social media recently, and I love them. They give comedic relief to the difficulty of working at home with children. Maybe your “coworkers” aren’t attending Zoom class as they should, or they’re eating all your groceries faster than you can go on your next curbside pick up run. I’m no math whiz, but I just don’t see how my husband and I can maintain our 8 (+) hour work days with both children staying entertained and educated for those same 8 hours. It's impossible to continue life like we did before I’m sure you’ve figured out. I hope this issue of Eagle Counseling Newsletter gives you some insight about what’s been working for us as well as some resources for the very unique situation we’re all in.

What’s Been Working for Us

Follow Your Family’s Natural Rhythm
In one month, my oldest daughter turns 3 and my youngest turns 1, so we’re in a stage of life where we constantly assess our schedule. Our family has a natural rhythm in regards to when we do things like wake up, eat, sleep, play, and relax. The more we can do these things in sync with each other, the less frustrated we become. For example, if our family wakes up around the same time, we’re hungry around the same time, and we eat together. We make one mess in the kitchen at a time, and we fall in line with each other regarding the other two meals (and two snacks) of the day. We all need quiet time and loud time in the day also. I need quiet for working, and my kids need quiet for sleeping. On good days, those coincide. When my kids are ready for loud, wild, play time, if I've used my time well, I can feel free to have some wild time with them. I find myself getting resentful when we are all trying to do things in our own time and schedule, and my kids are resentful when I overuse the line, "Just give me 5 more minutes for emails honey," so I have to make sure to use their quiet time wisely. When it's time for me to give them attention, I have to make sure it's my full attention. A solid, uninterrupted hour of outside play, running around the house, or other high energy activity, gives me more quiet time to work later because they've had their "mom fill" for a little bit. Experts are also saying that screen time recommendations should be considered somewhat lifted right now, but I would add that using screen time strategically can give you some much needed time later. This week, I needed time from 10:30-11:30 am for Zoom class, so we saved our morning cartoon time for that time slot. Then I could release myself from the guilt about our cyber babysitter, and Charli wasn't bored with TV when I needed her to be glued in one spot.

By talking about your schedule with the other adults in your home, and your children who are old enough to grasp time, you can be more intentional with your time. To help you with this, Issue 6 of ECN contains two great articles about revamping your family meal times to make the most of your time together.

Intentionally Connect
Our families are contained together, but that does not mean we have to connect. Just like before the stay at home order, we have to intentionally connect with one another. Some great ways to do that are cooking and eating meals together, watching TV or movies together, family walks (get out of the house!), or doing a project together like painting a room or doing chores. We’re currently doing lots of yard projects, and Charli likes to help scoop dirt with her own little shovel. The Dani, the little one, likes to eat the dirt, but that’s a separate thing. Everyone's a little bored right now, so why not treat your boredom together? I know many of you are playing more games together, getting into different hobbies together, and trying to seek joy daily. I admire you for that!

Give Kids Direction and Purpose
At school, your kids are used to routine, purpose, having to do things they don’t want to do, getting out of their comfort zone, being polite, owning a classroom job, and getting along with people different than them. I promise we really did teach them those things. Now that they are contained with you and maybe siblings, if everyone seems a bit snippy, give them more ownership of the household. That seems scary, but hear me out. I read once that you should never discourage a kid from doing something you want them to do later. Charli usually gets food all over the floor trying to put her plate in the sink, but she always takes her plate to the sink. I either take her plate to the sink myself and try to train her later (potentially an old dog learning new tricks situation), or I clean up the floor until she’s a little taller and more coordinated,OR she learns to clean up the floor too. I’m a control freak, so I get the hesitation, but experts will tell you that kids need ownership and responsibility at a young age so they can handle more as they grow. Here are some life skills to teach your children right now (even your two year olds) that won’t add more work to your plate: setting and clearing the table, laundry, organizing toys, taking care of pets, yard work, and making their bed. Another life skill to work on right now is the importance of independent or self-play time. Kids need some time to play independently in a structured way, which may give you a little bit of work time you need also. Give them specific activities that are "me time" activities such as reading, coloring, or legos that they know how to do on their own. A friend of mine set up a kid sized desk in her office so when she works, her 4 year old "works" too. Great idea!

Reassess, Reallocate, and Release Yourself from Guilt
I resent when people say “we have more time than ever now." That statement causes panic and shame for me because I immediately think of all the things I'm not doing with "all my extra time." In reality, we still have the same 24 hours as always, we just have to reassess our time, and understand that we can’t allocate it where we did before. As parents, we have to give our kids more time and our work less time right now. That’s really hard for me because teaching and counseling are my passions, and as much as I love my daughters, I gain fulfillment through my work outside of the home. That doesn’t make me a bad parent. It means this time of parenting 24/7 is emotionally and mentally tiring. If you’re in the same boat, rest assured that this is not forever. Release yourself from the guilt of missing your job and your time at work. You worked hard for your career that may feel like it’s been put on the back burner. I don’t know that we’ll have a ton more stay at home or work at home parents after this pandemic, and that’s okay. For now, reassess where you need to spend your time, reallocate your time for the current situation, and release yourself from the guilt of all the things you aren't getting done.

We’re all navigating this strange new world that is honestly, getting a little old. Hang in there. We’re going to make it through, and your family is going to be stronger and more resilient because of it. I hope the little that I’ve learned about helping my own family helps you, and below are some resources I’ve found useful in this journey as well. Please know that I’m praying for you and your family, and I’m just a Zoom call away if you need anything. - Michelle Dwyer

How to Create a Quarantine Schedule for Kids at Home That Won't Stress You Out
By Rebecca Hastings

Supporting Teenagers and Young Adults
During the Coronavirus Crisis
By Caroline Miller

Your teen’s questions about the stay-at-home order, answered — whether they like it or not
By Théoden Janes

Top 10 PROVEN Tips to Setup a Temporary
Work From Home Office Successfully
By Henry Kayser

5 Tips for Working From Home for the First Time in 2020
By Jason Aten

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Issue 9: Talking to Your Kids about COVID-19

3/13/2020

I prayed for you today. When we got the message that Spring Break would be extended another week, I felt a bittersweetness in my heart because none of us want this, but I will enjoy an extra week with my two girls. However, I know for many of you, this may mean a week of scrambling for childcare or taking time off that you don't really have from workplaces also trying to figure out how to function when everything is changing so rapidly. Some of you may be experiencing a great amount of stress because your work depends on travel, social gatherings, or customers who aren't willing to leave their houses to come walk through your doors. With a husband who works in sports, I understand the fear of uncertainty.

But the title of this is "Talking to Your Kids" because if your child is of speaking age, you are not only seeking answers to your questions, you're also going to spend this week fielding theirs. Even my almost three year old asked me why Target was out of toilet paper and why the lady in front of us was buying so much water. What do we say? How much is too much? How little is too little? How much can they handle? This I know, if we as parents don't host these conversations, kids will find a source of information somewhere. I love and loathe the curiosity of children because of where it takes them, and in my experience, it rarely takes a break, This Issue of Eagle Counseling Newsletter seeks to outline some general guidelines for navigating tough conversations in addition to a list of helpful resources.

Things to Remember in Your Conversations

1. Now's the time to tap into your personal support network as a parent (remotely of course), so you can be strong for your kids. I've been praying and seeking God's guidance and texting with friends and family about my fears, so that I can take a deep breath and respond calmly and confidently to my kids. Praying, journaling my fears, and talking to my husband allows me some healthy outlets. If you are not currently connected to a church, (shameless plug) you can connect into Prince of Peace Lutheran Church on Youtube (click here) and watch the services live on Sunday at 11:00 am or Wednesday at 7:00 pm (in your PJs on the couch). It may give some hope to your whole family.

2. God is a big God. He hears you. He sees you. He knows you and your fears, and He promises to be faithful.

3. Your kids are are resilient. You are resilient. Don't underestimate the strength of your family, your community, and God.

4. Your kids need you to be honest, but they need you to communicate safety and security. It's okay if you are scared. It's okay if you don't have all the answers. Give yourself some grace. and allow yourself to have some transparency with your kids. However, keep in mind, if you stay calm, they will stay calm.

5. Your kids need you to filter information. For kids younger than middle school age, watching the news may be too much for them. For middle school and high school students, they probably need to watch and process with you if they are watching.

6. Unrestricted internet access leads to overexposure. With extra down time, your kids need more internet boundaries because they are probably being exposed to a lot of scary information. For example: even before COVID-19, many of my middle school students read news articles daily or found memes that lead to alarming stories they brought to class as prayer requests. You may never hear about them at home because they read or saw it, reacted to it, talked about it with their friends, and absorbed fear/uncertainty/anxiety all before they thought to mention that they were worried.

7. Your kids live in an anxious generation. They do not yet have the adult perspective that says, "We've been through worse; we will prevail." For many of them, this is the scariest thing they've faced because they are the oldest they've ever been, and therefore, they are understanding and processing more than they ever have. They need you to demonstrate the fortitude of your generation and previous generations. They will learn grit from you.

8. You are your kid's best resource for information and strength.

I hope those guidelines give you some encouragement in these trying times, and please know that your families are in my prayers not only because of COVID-19, but also because of all the other life junk that may be happening too. I hope these weeks of social distancing bring you closer to the people you love the most and rest assured that God is really looking forward to hearing from you.

- Michelle Dwyer

Helpful Resources

Child Mind Institute

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

PBS: Includes video resources for younger kids

Click Here to read

Kids Health

Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains--
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip--
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you--
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm--
    he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

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Issue 8: Dealing with Anxiety

12/2/2019

1 Comment

This issue of Eagle Counseling Newsletter seeks to shed light on this growing epidemic of anxiety, and how it’s affecting our kids at different ages. First, let’s define stress and anxiety because they are two different, but related things. One great definition comes from Stress vs. Anxiety – Knowing the Difference Is Critical to Your Health by Franzi Ross. Ross explains that stress is your reaction to an outside stressor like when you have a deadline approaching at work or you face traffic on your commute. Stress usually dissolves when the situation is over. “Anxiety is a person’s specific reaction to stress; its origin is internal. Anxiety is typically characterized by a ‘persistent feeling of apprehension or dread’ in situations that are not actually threatening” (Ross). What does this look like for our kids? At every age, there are certain stressors that our children experience, and they grow and mature by learning to work through those obstacles. When our children experience anxiety however, we need to approach it differently than stress because it doesn’t end when the stressor is gone. We hope the resources in this issue of ECN help guide you through the mess that is anxiety. - MD

Stress vs. Anxiety – Knowing the Difference
Is Critical to Your Health
By Franzi Ross

Anxiety in Little Ones

Santaphobia: Overcoming the Fear of Santa

The Holidays are right around the corner, and while I am an avid believer in not skipping Thanksgiving, I am more and more inclined to start Christmas-ing earlier now that I have kids. My daughters and I drove past our neighbor’s decorated house this week, and my two year old Charli said, “Mommy! Lights! I have Christmas tree too?” I am looking forward to diving into Christmastime joy this year with my family, but one major thing that has been a topic of conversation around our house is Santa Claus. Every time he’s mentioned or seen on TV, Charli says, “No mommy, Santa scary. No sit on Santa’s lap.” I’ve found a great resource from Parents.com that explores this “Santaphobia” if you will, and it explains that the fear of Santa isn’t necessarily a bad thing. At the root of it, my daughter doesn’t want to sit on a stranger’s lap. She’s learning how to decipher who can be trusted and who can’t. She’s learning to be in charge of her own body. She’s learning that she has a choice in who she talks to and those are important lessons. My selfish goal is an adorable iconic picture of my girls smiling with St. Nick. However, I have to put that aside for the sake of helping my daughter learn to work through her fear and stand up for herself. This article outlines some perspective for all of us striving for that perfect mall Santa photo and helps us see the bigger picture. - MD

7 Ways to Overcome the Fear of Santa
By Dina Roth Port

Anxiety in Older Children

“Don’t worry, be happy.” Catchy song, bad advice. As parents, we want our kids to be happy and healthy. When our kids struggle with anxiety, it’s easy for us to look at their lives from a bird’s eye view with 25 year’s experience under our belts and say, “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” We know, of course, that a low grade on their spelling test will be okay. We know, of course, that having a bad hair day won’t define them. We know, of course, that an argument with a friend over where they sat at lunch won’t matter in the long run. However, our lives have defining moments, and your child is the oldest they’ve ever been. They’ve never made a mortgage payment. They’ve never gotten fired. Their lives are all about these “little” things. How we help them navigate these little things teaches them to navigate the big things later. Rising up after these small to us, but important to them failures helps them develop the skills to rise up from much bigger failures later. This article from ChildMind.org outlines how to help children cope with anxiety in a way that will empower them and strengthen your relationship. - MD

What to Do (and Not Do)
When Children Are Anxious:
How to respect feelings without empowering fears
By Clark Goldstein, PhD

Choices, Choices, Choices...
Facing the "Weight" of Anxiety through Decisions & Consequences
as a Middle School Student

The mystery that is Middle School is often a muddle of the magical, malodorous, and the mischievous. On a daily basis we as teachers, counselors, and families see the peaks and valleys of emotion, and everything in between. The standard reactions when I share that I teach and counsel middle schoolers are somewhere between, “Oh, I could never do that,” to “Bless your heart.” We however view it through the filter opportunities presented to us to daily encourage, nudge, and buffer our budding young adults into rising to the challenge.
Perhaps the greater mystery for many middle school parents is “why is my kid so stressed out?” From the outside looking in, for most of our middle schoolers, a parent could say, “What do you have to be stressed about? You don’t have to work, all you have to do is school, your chores (if any, hopefully some), and your extracurriculars (if any, hopefully just a couple). You should not be stressed.” We have heard this complaint from both Middle and High schoolers alike that “my parents just don’t get it,” so the hope of this article is to shed some light.
Our kids, especially middle schoolers, are more stressed than they have ever been, and a big piece of this is the overwhelming amount of opportunities they have. “Which team do you want to be on, school or Select?,” “Which clubs do you want to join?,” “Where do you want to go to school?,” and the list goes on. This does not include the normal, everyday flood of information and stimuli from social media and more access to the digital world than ever. So many choices, so little time. The following article from Psychology Today reveals the top ten reasons why most of our teens are so stressed out today. But if you really want the insight of the article to help, sit down with your middle schooler, and ask them how they are doing, how their year has been, and what (if anything) is stressing them out. You might be surprised to learn their answers, and hear the stress they carry. Listen, Learn, and Encourage. Then repeat. -GP

10 Reasons Teens Have So Much
Anxiety Today
By Amy Morin, LCSW

Plugged In & Tuned Out:
Are Our High Schoolers More
or Less "Connected" Today?

   With the holidays approaching, it was inevitable that the new “latest & greatest” devices would be turning the corner. And with another cross-country season done and a “three babies later” dad bod setting in, I decided it was time for a little extra motivation. My wife and I are not the “latest & greatest” types, but thanks to a health program through our health insurance, as well as not having updated our phones since our first of three was born five plus years ago, we were able to and decided to get a watch and new phone from a certain fruity company. The first morning of having said watch and phone, it took all of thirty seconds for students to notice, ask to see, and immediately start showing me features on them that looked more like wizardry than technology.
   I will admit, the features and convenience of new cameras, the freedom of talking on your phone via your wrist watch like Dick Tracy, and having a friendly or sometimes pushy reminder to breathe, stand, and move around are great. The “not-so-great” feeling comes from the anxiety of being “tied” to these devices. I no longer have to bring my phone everywhere with me because my watch is a phone, but what if I left it behind? What if someone needs me? What if there is an emergency? These are just a few of the thoughts and worries that flood my mind as I seek to separate myself from the social pull of technology.
   Our high schoolers, many of whom practically grew up next to a cell phone, are even more “connected” through social media and messaging, yet have never been more disconnected, and the results are concerning. This article from neaToday points out not only the concerns raised with a growing number of hours our highschoolers are spending on their phones, tablets, etc., but also the cyclical nature of how closely anxiety is tied to their rising presence in our childrens’ and students’ lives.
   The article does not really provide a lot in terms of solutions, so there are a few others in the “Parent Resources” following this article to start your engines. My personal takeaways are mainly that students crave connection and belonging, especially with their families, sometimes even when they say they do not. So are they looking at their phones with peers just like they do at home “because everyone is doing it?” Are there specific “tech-free” times in your home for meals, activities, or family meetings? It usually starts with parents on a systemic level, and so I will be putting my watch away and plugging in my phone on the counter tonight. Truth be told, I look forward to the freedom. - GP

The Epidemic of Anxiety Among Today's Teens
By Mary Ellen Flannery

Parent Resources:
Helping to Reduce Your Children’s Anxiety

For ELC & Lower School Families

Strategies to Support Anxious Children
By Beyond Blue Support Service

10 Tips to Cut Kids' Screentime
By Rachel Mason

Cut Back on Screetime in 2019
By Kara Alaimo

For Middle & Upper School Families

How to Help Teens Manage their Anxiety
By Leigh Anderson

Developing Middle Schoolers' Healthy Use of Screen Time
By Parent Tool Kit

School-Year Screen-Time Rules
From a Teacher
By Rebecca Young

10 Strategies to Limit Your Teen's Screen Time
By Amy Morin, LCSW

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Welcome Back!

8/18/2019

Welcome Back Eagles!!!

As we begin our 2019-2020 school year, the POPCS Counseling Office would like to extend a warm welcome to all of our Eagle students and families returning this year. We would also love to celebrate the addition of several new Eagle students and families this year as they enter our family here at Prince of Peace. Your school counselors, Mrs. Michelle Dwyer, and Mr. Gary Prindiville III, are also very much looking forward to what this third year of the Counseling Program holds. As we continue to walk with students and families through both bountiful and burdensome seasons, we also look forward to continuing in our offerings of resources through the Eagle Counseling Newsletter.

In our inaugural editions last year, we covered a series of topics ranging from family, to stress, and even suicide prevention. As we continue to offer you more thoughts, resources, and encouragement, we pray that our previous work will also serve as a blessing to your families and possibly those outside of the Prince of Peace family. You'll find an archive of our previous issues by month and topic on the right hand side of this page. Please feel free to share the Eagle Counseling Newsletter resources with family and friends, and as always, we welcome any questions. God’s blessings to you, your students, and your families, and we pray it is a blessed year for you!

In Christ,
Michelle Dwyer & Gary Prindiville III
School Counselors

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Issue 7: POPCS Hits the Books!

5/15/2019

Resource Recommendations from Prince of Peace Faculty

Are you ready to lay by the pool with a good book? If you’re like me, you’ve been ready for that for a few weeks now. For this month’s issue of the Eagle Counseling Newsletter, we reached out to our Prince of Peace faculty and asked what books and resources have impacted them the most that they would love to share with you. Dr. Bobby Moore, CEO of EPIC Impact Education Group, likes to say, “The smartest person in the room is the room," and I’m constantly amazed at the collective wisdom of the team of teachers and administrators at POPCS. We hope that this issue of ECN gives you a resource that blesses you in a way that you can’t help but share with someone else.

Parenting Resources

Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch

Recommended by Ashley Ashcraft - Upper School Theology Teacher

My kids are blessed to have everything they need and a whole lot of what they want, but over the last year my husband and I noticed some unhealthy expectations and behaviors that bordered entitlement. I enjoyed Kristen Welch’s down to earth approach and philosophy of how she dealt with similar issues in her own family. Each chapter ends with practical ideas to cultivate gratefulness for preschool, elementary, and high school age kids.

The Vanishing American Adult: Our Coming-of-Age Crisis--and How to Rebuild a Culture of Self-Reliance by Ben Sasse

Recommended by Rebecca Weiss - Social Sciences Department Chair and
Sharla Schimelpfenig - Upper School English Department Chair

The Vanishing American Adult by Senator Ben Sasse of Nebraska offers practical parenting advice including challenging our children to become a meaningful part of a diversified community, to embrace a purposeful work ethic, and to value service to others. Sasse examines the emergence of a new generation that lacks grit, self-reliance, and problem-solving, all of which has resulted in their “failing to launch” as productive and responsible adults. The piece not only identifies the root causes of this new phenomena but also offers tangible ways to avoid the trend. Although Sasse is a U.S. Senator, The Vanishing American Adult veers away from politics and instead focuses on how families can cultivate virtue in their children. The necessity of this character development, according to Sasse, is important not only for our own children, but for the sake of the American republic.

Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay

Recommended by Michelle Dwyer - School Counselor and Middle School Theology Teacher

In preparation for raising a toddler this year, last summer I read Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. While the system takes practice and intentionality, many of the core principles behind the overall concept really work with our two-year old. Cline and Fay keep their strategies simple and realistic enough that my husband and I have used them with our daughter in many public meltdown moments. I’ve found myself less resentful of discipline and more appreciative of the opportunities to help my daughter manage her choices and big emotions. I would recommend this to parents of young children, but I don’t believe that it’s ever too late to try something new especially if your old discipline and conflict management strategies aren’t working for your family anymore.

CommonSenseMedia.org

Recommended by Tammy Lawson - Lower School and Middle School Computer Teacher

This website presents their mission as: "the leading independent nonprofit organization dedicated to helping kids thrive in a world of media and technology. We empower parents, teachers, and policymakers by providing unbiased information, trusted advice, and innovative tools to help them harness the power of media and technology as a positive force in all kids’ lives."

The site has tabs for Parents, Educators, and Advocates. POPCS has been using their curriculum for years in the Lower and Middle School. The Parent tab has information related to movies, video games, apps, and other technology that kids and teens use. This is not a Christian based site but I feel it is an incredibly valuable tool for parents to use as they try to navigate the constantly changing media landscape.

Faith Based Resources

The Other "F" Word: When Faith Fills the Gap by Sara Stamp (POPCS parent)

Recommended by Lani Hawk - 2nd Grade Teacher

The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian

Other books in the series: The Power of a Praying Wife and The Power of a Praying Husband by Stormie Omartian

Recommended by Kathy Moore - Preschool 2s Teacher

Personal Growth

Drive by Daniel H. Pink

Recommended by Lisa Chase - Middle School Science Teacher

Excellent book about the differences in motivation techniques between 20th Century vs. 21st Century brains. I used this book repeatedly during grad school and I learned so much in regards to how to motivate today's student. It is written for corporate America, but very applicable for educating young people.

The Shallows by Nicholas Carr

Recommended by Lisa Chase - Middle School Science Teacher

24/7 internet and screen access is changing neural pathways and the way that the brain processes information. This book explains what is happening to this generation's brain development in an easily understandable way. This is not an internet bashing book! It is simply explaining to those of us who didn't grow up with the internet or at least not as much, how we must change the way we educate and train this generation.

David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell

Recommended by Jeremy Lowe - Upper School Principal

In a nutshell, we need to adopt different strategies to "win" in life and business. Just like David slew Goliath using non-traditional means, we can change the rules to achieve. Playing by the Giant's rules will always end in defeat, so make your disadvantage your advantage and beware the vice-versa!

Leisure Reads

Hello, Universe by Erin Entrada Kelly

Recommended by Kacie Innes - Middle School English and Theology Teacher

Hello, Universe is an excellent novel for middle school families to read and discuss together. Kelly's novel follows four kids in the first days of summer after sixth grade. The 2017 Newbery Medal winner shifts perspectives in each chapter, portraying the experiences of Virgil, a Filipino American who struggles with math and feels like he lives in the shadows of his "perfect" older brothers; Valencia, an independent lover of science who is deaf and questions the existence of God; Kaori, an outgoing older sister who thinks she can predict the future but forgets to celebrate the joy of the present; and Chet, the neighborhood bully who refuses to attempt to understand anyone who is different from him. Our middle schoolers are struggling with some of the same things, from finishing math to making friends to growing in faith, and this story provides an approachable way for parents to discuss those topics with them. Kelly reveals a unique story about growing up, overcoming fears, making friends, and recognizing ignorance while also celebrating different cultures and acknowledging learning differences so students can reach their fullest potential.

Physics for Future Presidents by Richard A. Muller

Recommended by Rick Moser - Upper School Chemistry, Physics, and Engineering Teacher

A very clear discussion (with almost zero math) about the physics reasoning supporting political decisions which will be made by future presidents - intelligent people who may not have a science background. Present and future presidents need to know if North Korea's nascent nuclear capability is a genuine threat to the West, if biochemical weapons are likely to be developed by terrorists, if there are viable alternatives to fossil fuels that should be nurtured and supported by the government, if private companies should be allowed to lead the way on space exploration, and what the actual facts are about the worsening threats from climate change. This is "must-have" information for all presidents―and citizens―of the twenty-first century.

The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara

Recommended by Marianne Schnell - Middle School History and Language Arts Teacher

Michael Shaara's character studies are rich, and the reader can almost feel the stress and strain experienced by those who endured this momentous event in history, the Battle of Gettysburg. The Killer Angels has usurped Stephen Cranes' The Red Badge of Courage as the definitive novel of the American Civil War with good reason. The vivid language will transport you to circumstances that will make you feel a wide range of emotions. What more could you ask of a novel?

The Civil War by Ken Burns - Documentary Mini-Series

Recommended by Marianne Schnell - Middle School History and Language Arts Teacher

This unapologetic history nerd must recommend this PBS masterpiece that debuted in 1990. The entire documentary is comprised of nine episodes for a total viewing time of eleven hours and thirty minutes. Before your eyes glaze over at the prospect, try the first episode. You will be hooked. The personal letters and speeches composed by historical figures known and unknown will reel you in. You may just find you are an unapologetic history nerd, too!

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume

Recommended by Colleen White, Ed.D. - Upper School English and Crossroads English Teacher

It's a wonderful book! I first read it while I lived in Germany with my family. Since then, I have read the book several times. Every time I read the book, I feel as if I am sitting on the floor in my bedroom reading it for the first time. It's truly a magical book. It's a great read for young girls in middle school.

The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats

Recommended by Colleen White, Ed.D. - Upper School English and Crossroads English Teacher

Love, Love, Love this book! I read this book all the time to children at the library. It reminds me of my youth and playing in snow. Ezra Jack Keats has a way with saying so much with so little. The pictures in the book, also, allow any person to see themselves gently playing in the angelic snow and gliding along snow-covered mounds.

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Issue 6: Spring Cleaning Your Routines

4/23/2019

Nothing signals the end of the school year like the celebration of Easter and the endless Justin Timberlake Memes. This month as we start to wind down the school year, we are also ramping up to summer. Similar to New Year’s Resolutions, summer is often a time when our routines change, especially for our kids. This month, we wanted to offer some resources to help you do some “spring cleaning” of your current routines. Maybe you just need a quick spruce up, or maybe you need an overhaul. Either way, we hope you find something to help you and your family be happy and healthy. Next month will include some personal resource recommendations from our POPCS faculty as we close out our school year.

Change the Way You Think About Yourself

Who are you when you are the best version of yourself? Do you have the mental energy to be creative? Innovative? Collaborative? Appreciative of playfulness? Do you more often find yourself caught in survival mode believing that there isn’t enough time, money, or resources? Can you tell the difference between a perceived threat to your survival versus a threat to your ego? This video from The Conscious Leadership Group challenges the way we think about situations to help us figure out how to free ourselves to enjoy the more joyful parts of life.

Locating Yourself - A Key to Conscious Leadership
By: The Conscious Leadership Group

Why Thinking You’re Ugly is Bad for You
TedTalk By: Meaghan Ramsey

“About 10,000 people a month Google the phrase, “Am I ugly?” (ted.com). This TedTalk is invaluable to us as people parenting one of the most anxious and insecure generations of kids. If you think this is just for #GirlMoms, think about how many of your sons would name a muscle-bound professional athlete as his role model. To blame social media for yet another thing, there are countless images of well-built, traditionally beautiful, virtually flawless people flooding your kids’ Instagram and Snapchat. We celebrate the perfect images and the perfect performances of athletes and entertainers, and anything less than perfect is publicly denounced. The pressure to be perfect at earlier and earlier ages cripples many students from being able to enjoy the freedoms of childhood. Kids don’t want to try because what if they fail? None of their role models fail, so perfection must be attainable. Meaghan Ramsey challenges us with this: “Right now, our culture's obsession with image is holding us all back. But let's show our kids the truth. Let's show them that the way you look is just one part of your identity and that the truth is we love them for who they are and what they do and how they make us feel.”

Change the Way You Think About Family Dinner Time

I totally nailed it last week. I made a beautiful dinner using more than one pan, and all the dishes finished at almost the same time. My two year old colored while I cooked, and a temporary peace filled the kitchen. I felt like Supermom. As I laid the plates on the table, my daughter pointed and said, “Rice!” I was excited she recognized it since that was a word she hadn’t said around me before, but then I realized why she knew it so quickly. I had just made the exact meal that we both ate at school for lunch. Chicken. Rice. Green beans. Fun fact about my daughter: she does not eat the same thing twice in one day. Our dinner dissolved into lots of “we don’t throw food,” “please just try it,” and “look mommy’s eating it” to no avail. Turns out, I didn’t nail it.

Maybe your dinners are full of good intentions and poor execution like mine. Maybe yours are okay, but not stellar and you’d like to spice them up. Or maybe you don’t eat together as a family, and you’d like to try it but don’t know where to start. Wherever you are on the spectrum, these two resources provide tips that you can implement as early as tonight. Don’t worry if you’re met with a little bit of eye rolling at first. Persevere! A lot of life is lived around a kitchen table together.

Making Family Meals Enjoyable: Six Tips
By: Raisingchildren.net.au

The Family Dinner Project: Food, fun and conversation about things that matter.
By: The Family Dinner Project

Change the Way You Run Your Week

When my fiance (now wife of almost 10 years) and I started our Pre-Marital Counseling, we sat down with our pastor to discuss our backgrounds, how we met, our relationship, struggles, and hopes. After a lot of listening he brought up some important points about the differences we would naturally have, but perhaps not know about each other. One that stuck out in both her mind and mine was when he said, “Now, Gary will probably have a routine, and that may seem strange to you. But when he wakes up in the morning, he will likely do the same things, in the same order, at around the same time, and not even know that he does it.”

In the months leading up the our marriage, I paid more attention, and even asked my roomates if they noticed this about me or themselves. We all agreed we had one thing in common: We did not have much of a routine. So I worked to develop one, even just starting with how I began my day, and with a lot of practice, I noticed a difference in both how I felt and how much I got done throughout the day. So when my wife and I got married several months later and moved into our first place together, she caught our pastor one Sunday at church and said “You were right about that routine thing.” He laughed and winked at me, almost as though he had orchestrated the whole thing. Routine was what I needed to not only relieve the scattered anxiety I usually felt, but also to bring some much needed structure to my life and my new home.

Summer is coming, and our kids feel it just as acutely as we do. I know I always start summer with this “big plan” of what we will do, where we will go, and most importantly, “The Routine.” The routine charade usually lasts about 2 ½ weeks tops before we slip into zone defense and end up just feeling like we are hanging on. So in the light of routines, this article from Today’s Parent takes on a pared down approach to simplify both your routine and your mind. Kids need it, parents crave it, and with everyone needed and engaged, a reboot of your routine could be just what you need to breathe a little easier. The article from Motherly points to science in how these simple additions or switches to your routines not only benefit your children, but also bring health to the family system as well. Since we are a little ahead of summer, now is a great time to pilot some new ideas when it comes to what is not working for you and your family.

How to get your family organized and on a schedule—in three steps
By: Today's Parent

It’s science: Having a routine helps your family be happier
By: Erin Leyba, LCSW, PhD

Change the Way You See “Happiness”

With the recent “baseball sized hail” scare that left many of us scrambling to strap rugs, sleeping bags and work out mats to the tops of our vehicles, I had a wake-up call standing in my garage: we have way too many boxes. I was shocked to see how many of our boxes we saved back from this past Christmas, and although “you never know when you will need more boxes,” it may be time for us to recycle some. But I remember vividly how on Christmas morning it was not the toys, the tricycle, or even the candy that stole the stage for my kids, it was those boxes. Forts, caves, or train stations, they became the best thing in the room for a day. Of course they played with and appreciated everything, but it reminded me that happiness is in quality time, not in things. As parents we desire for our kids to find happiness, and we hope to bring it to them as often as we can. It is easy to fall prey to “keeping up with the Joneses,” or even just keeping up with the hamster wheel in your head, but what “really” makes our kids happy? In this article from Parents, we see some tips about how sometimes what kids want is not often what they need, and how our approach to their happiness has a big impact.

7 Secrets to Raising a Happy Child
By: Marguerite Lamb

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Issue 5: The Power of Positive Language

3/26/2019

Spring has arrived and with it many exciting things on the horizon like warmer weather, Easter, and everyone’s favorite: Spring Cleaning. Okay, maybe not everyone’s favorite, but that urge to purge and start fresh can be a healthy drive to re-evaluate what stays and what goes after hunkering down for the holidays. As we finish the year with our next three editions of the Eagle Counseling Newsletter, our goal is to offer a few ideas about evaluating some things that could lead to happier and healthier students and families. In this edition, we are taking a look at the importance and power of positive language. We will focus on how this sometimes overlooked or underappreciated power within us can play a vital role in our development and well-being.

The Power of Words

In researching for this month’s edition, we stumbled across something which at first seemed bizarre, but upon a further look appears to be a curious phenomenon that has roots in words themselves. Below is a video released by IKEA, who conducted an experiment on the effects of words on plants and how they grow. While this sounds strange, it turns out that this experiment has been conducted over and over and the results are the same. Those plants which hear positive words or phrases do well, and those who hear negative and harmful things suffer and wilt. What is even more interesting is a furthering of the experiment where the “control” plant was not spoken to, versus either positive or negative words. Interestingly enough, this “control” plant became the “neglected” plant, and thus did worse than the plant spoken to negatively. If put in the context of our kids, we of course do not want to encourage saying negative, hurtful things to our children. However, in this case neglect is the most painful and harmful of all.

A similar experiment was conducted by Dr. Masuro Emoto on the effects our words have on water. Again, this seemed like “pseudoscience” at first glance, but have a closer look at the results. When the words are spoken, and then the water is flash frozen, the proof is in the ice. The positive words formed into beautiful crystals, while the hurtful things look malformed and uneven. In the beginning, Genesis says that there was nothing but God, and He used water, and then spoke. It was through God’s Word that everything came into being, so it does not seem too far a stretch to say that we, God’s most prized creations have a God-given power and significance to our words. Have a look at the picture and video, and see what you think for yourself.

Speaking Positively to Ourselves

“I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough.” This statement is true of so many of our students. In a culture of constant comparison, it is impossible to go through a day without looking at others in envy because they have it all together. Did I say that our students struggle with this? Because even as an adult, I do too. I look at my colleagues and other parents and my internal monologue speaks loud and clear about my shortcomings. This song powerfully silences those negative thoughts and points me back to the words of the only One who speaks the absolute truth about me because I’m His fearfully and wonderfully made creation. “You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing. You say I am strong when I think I am weak. You say I am held when I am falling short. When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours.” I hope it uplifts you and your family as you seek His truth about you.

Speaking Positively to Each Other

This past Monday, Prince of Peace was again blessed to welcome speaker Keith Davis to our Middle School students for a follow up address on the important topic of the Power of Our Words. This time Keith brought with him Germard Reed, a friend, colleague, and former NCAA Champion football player who has known the pain and the power of others’ words and influence in his life. Keith and Germard shared a powerful message on how we can “lift and push up” others, rather than tear them down with hurtful words. The brought up the importance of equality not only as people, but as God’s children and precious creations. Keith and Germard challenged our Middle School students to rise above the standard of their generation and “Be the change.” Keith and Germard shared through personal stories and interactive examples the “Significance” of words in our lives, and tasked our students to be more than a great student, athlete, etc. “Be Significant, because you are.” We hope Keith and Germard’s words bring you encouragement as well. YOU are Significant, and your impact on the people in your life and around you is great and deserves yours and others’ attention. So how are you using your Significance?

Speaking Positively to Our Kids

This article by Samantha Foley speaks loudly to me as a teacher, counselor, and parent. While the title says “Toddlers” please know that parents with kids of all ages benefit from her advice about getting your kids to behave the way that you want them to behave. After all, don’t many kids (and adults) throw toddler-like tantrums sometimes? Foley’s advice that works really with my own daughter is to give her choices about what she can do instead of continually talking about the behavior that I’d like her to stop. No, she may not jump on the couch, but she can build a pillow fort or ride her wagon instead. No, she cannot have a third cup of raisins (because mommy doesn’t like raisin diapers), but she can have crackers or cheese instead. Another tip from Foley I’ve been practicing is telling my daughter “do” instead of “don’t.” Instead of “Don’t hit the dog in the face with your snack cup” (a frequent urge in our house), I’m trying out, “Can you pet the puppy gently? Put your cup down so you can pet him gently.” Charli is catching on, and the dogs have been thankful too. I hope her other tips help you in your conversations with your toddlers (and sometimes toddler-like children).

Talking with Toddlers:
The Power of Positive Language
By: Samantha Foley