Issue 8: Dealing with Anxiety

This issue of Eagle Counseling Newsletter seeks to shed light on this growing epidemic of anxiety, and how it’s affecting our kids at different ages. First, let’s define stress and anxiety because they are two different, but related things. One great definition comes from Stress vs. Anxiety – Knowing the Difference Is Critical to Your Health by Franzi Ross. Ross explains that stress is your reaction to an outside stressor like when you have a deadline approaching at work or you face traffic on your commute. Stress usually dissolves when the situation is over. “Anxiety is a person’s specific reaction to stress; its origin is internal. Anxiety is typically characterized by a ‘persistent feeling of apprehension or dread’ in situations that are not actually threatening” (Ross). What does this look like for our kids? At every age, there are certain stressors that our children experience, and they grow and mature by learning to work through those obstacles. When our children experience anxiety however, we need to approach it differently than stress because it doesn’t end when the stressor is gone. We hope the resources in this issue of ECN help guide you through the mess that is anxiety. - MD

Stress vs. Anxiety – Knowing the Difference
Is Critical to Your Health 
​By Franzi Ross

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Anxiety in Little Ones

Santaphobia: Overcoming the Fear of Santa

​The Holidays are right around the corner, and while I am an avid believer in not skipping Thanksgiving, I am more and more inclined to start Christmas-ing earlier now that I have kids. My daughters and I drove past our neighbor’s decorated house this week, and my two year old Charli said, “Mommy! Lights! I have Christmas tree too?” I am looking forward to diving into Christmastime joy this year with my family, but one major thing that has been a topic of conversation around our house is Santa Claus. Every time he’s mentioned or seen on TV, Charli says, “No mommy, Santa scary. No sit on Santa’s lap.” I’ve found a great resource from Parents.com that explores this “Santaphobia” if you will, and it explains that the fear of Santa isn’t necessarily a bad thing. At the root of it, my daughter doesn’t want to sit on a stranger’s lap. She’s learning how to decipher who can be trusted and who can’t. She’s learning to be in charge of her own body. She’s learning that she has a choice in who she talks to and those are important lessons. My selfish goal is an adorable iconic picture of my girls smiling with St. Nick. However, I have to put that aside for the sake of helping my daughter learn to work through her fear and stand up for herself. This article outlines some perspective for all of us striving for that perfect mall Santa photo and helps us see the bigger picture. - MD

7 Ways to Overcome the Fear of Santa 
By Dina Roth Port

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Anxiety in Older Children

“Don’t worry, be happy.” Catchy song, bad advice. As parents, we want our kids to be happy and healthy. When our kids struggle with anxiety, it’s easy for us to look at their lives from a bird’s eye view with 25 year’s experience under our belts and say, “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” We know, of course, that a low grade on their spelling test will be okay. We know, of course, that having a bad hair day won’t define them. We know, of course, that an argument with a friend over where they sat at lunch won’t matter in the long run. However, our lives have defining moments, and your child is the oldest they’ve ever been. They’ve never made a mortgage payment. They’ve never gotten fired. Their lives are all about these “little” things. How we help them navigate these little things teaches them to navigate the big things later. Rising up after these small to us, but important to them failures helps them develop the skills to rise up from much bigger failures later. This article from ChildMind.org outlines how to help children cope with anxiety in a way that will empower them and strengthen your relationship. - MD

What to Do (and Not Do)
When Children Are Anxious:
How to respect feelings without empowering fears 
By  Clark Goldstein, PhD

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Choices, Choices, Choices...
Facing the "Weight" of Anxiety through Decisions & Consequences
as a Middle School Student

The mystery that is Middle School is often a muddle of the magical, malodorous, and the mischievous.  On a daily basis we as teachers, counselors, and families see the peaks and valleys of emotion, and everything in between.  The standard reactions when I share that I teach and counsel middle schoolers are somewhere between, “Oh, I could never do that,” to “Bless your heart.”  We however view it through the filter opportunities presented to us to daily encourage, nudge, and buffer our budding young adults into rising to the challenge. 
    Perhaps the greater mystery for many middle school parents is “why is my kid so stressed out?”  From the outside looking in, for most of our middle schoolers, a parent could say, “What do you have to be stressed about?  You don’t have to work, all you have to do is school, your chores (if any, hopefully some), and your extracurriculars (if any, hopefully just a couple).  You should not be stressed.” We have heard this complaint from both Middle and High schoolers alike that “my parents just don’t get it,” so the hope of this article is to shed some light. 
   Our kids, especially middle schoolers, are more stressed than they have ever been, and a big piece of this is the overwhelming amount of opportunities they have.  “Which team do you want to be on, school or Select?,” “Which clubs do you want to join?,” “Where do you want to go to school?,” and the list goes on. This does not include the normal, everyday flood of information and stimuli from social media and more access to the digital world than ever.  So many choices, so little time. The following article from Psychology Today reveals the top ten reasons why most of our teens are so stressed out today.  But if you really want the insight of the article to help, sit down with your middle schooler, and ask them how they are doing, how their year has been, and what (if anything) is stressing them out.  You might be surprised to learn their answers, and hear the stress they carry. Listen, Learn, and Encourage. Then repeat. -GP

10 Reasons Teens Have So Much
Anxiety Today
By Amy Morin, LCSW

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Plugged In & Tuned Out:
Are Our High Schoolers More
or Less "Connected" Today?

   With the holidays approaching, it was inevitable that the new “latest & greatest” devices would be turning the corner.  And with another cross-country season done and a “three babies later” dad bod setting in, I decided it was time for a little extra motivation.  My wife and I are not the “latest & greatest” types, but thanks to a health program through our health insurance, as well as not having updated our phones since our first of three was born five plus years ago, we were able to and decided to get a watch and new phone from a certain fruity company.  The first morning of having said watch and phone, it took all of thirty seconds for students to notice, ask to see, and immediately start showing me features on them that looked more like wizardry than technology. 
   I will admit, the features and convenience of new cameras, the freedom of talking on your phone via your wrist watch like Dick Tracy, and having a friendly or sometimes pushy reminder to breathe, stand, and move around are great.  The “not-so-great” feeling comes from the anxiety of being “tied” to these devices. I no longer have to bring my phone everywhere with me because my watch is a phone, but what if I left it behind? What if someone needs me? What if there is an emergency?  These are just a few of the thoughts and worries that flood my mind as I seek to separate myself from the social pull of technology.
   Our high schoolers, many of whom practically grew up next to a cell phone, are even more “connected” through social media and messaging, yet have never been more disconnected, and the results are concerning.  This article from neaToday points out not only the concerns raised with a growing number of hours our highschoolers are spending on their phones, tablets, etc., but also the cyclical nature of how closely anxiety is tied to their rising presence in our childrens’ and students’ lives. 
   The article does not really provide a lot in terms of solutions, so there are a few others in the “Parent Resources” following this article to start your engines.  My personal takeaways are mainly that students crave connection and belonging, especially with their families, sometimes even when they say they do not. So are they looking at their phones with peers just like they do at home “because everyone is doing it?”  Are there specific “tech-free” times in your home for meals, activities, or family meetings? It usually starts with parents on a systemic level, and so I will be putting my watch away and plugging in my phone on the counter tonight. Truth be told, I look forward to the freedom.  - GP

The Epidemic of Anxiety Among Today's Teens
By Mary Ellen Flannery

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Parent Resources: 
Helping to Reduce Your Children’s Anxiety

For ELC & Lower School Families

Strategies to Support Anxious Children
By Beyond Blue Support Service

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10 Tips to Cut Kids' Screentime
By Rachel Mason

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Cut Back on Screetime in 2019
By Kara Alaimo

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For Middle & Upper School Families

How to Help Teens Manage their Anxiety
By Leigh Anderson

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Developing Middle Schoolers' Healthy Use of Screen Time
By Parent Tool Kit

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School-Year Screen-Time Rules
From a Teacher
By Rebecca Young

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10 Strategies to Limit Your Teen's Screen Time
By Amy Morin, LCSW

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